Resources

• • Communication Quiz
  • Healthy Relationship Quiz 
  • Conflict Quiz
  • Breakup Quiz   
  • Abusive Relationship Quiz

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Communication Quiz

• Does your partner get jealous of your friends or relatives?
• Does your partner ever put you down?
• Does your partner tend to take over situations?
• Does your partner expect to know where you are at all times?

 

I answered YES to one or more of these questions  | I did NOT answser yes to any of these questions

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Healthy Relationship Quiz

Sometimes couples can become so wrapped up in their relationship, they may not even realize their relationship is unhealthy.  To help you determine if your relationship is doing fine, or could use some help, please take the following quiz.

Without spending too much time on each question, go down the list and answer either "yes" or "no" to the following:

• Is your partner glad you have other friends?
• Is your partner pleased about your accomplishments and ambitions?
• Can you state characteristics of your partner that you admire or like?
• Does your partner both talk and listen?
• Does your partner have interests besides you?
• Do you consider your partner as a friend?
• Does your partner accept responsibility for his or her own actions?
• Does your partner ask for and give consideration to your opinions?
• Does your partner respect your right to make your own decisions about your life?
• Does your partner have a good relationship with his or her family?
• Is your partner able to verbalize his or her feelings?
• Does your partner have his or her own friends?

 

I answered YES to one or more of these questions | I did NOT answser yes to any of these questions

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Conflict Quiz

• Do you and your partner argue without coming up with a solution?
• Do you and your partner argue over many issues at one time?
• Do you and your partner interrupt one another when arguing?
• Do you and your partner use sarcasm or put downs when arguing?

 

I answered YES to one or more of these questions | I did NOT answser yes to any of these questions

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Break Up Quiz

Ending a relationship is a very difficult experience.  While the person is still alive and well, we often tend to grieve the loss of the relationship as if it were a death.  The feelings associated with experiencing a breakup can be overwhelming and confusing.  Some of the common reactions to a breakup include:
 
Denial - We can’t believe that this is happening to us and that the relationship is really over.

Anger - We are angry and even enraged at our partner for putting us through this.

Fear - We are frightened by the intensity of our feelings. We are frightened that we may never love or be loved again. We are frightened that we may not survive our loss, but we will do so.

Self-blame - We blame ourselves for what went wrong. We replay our relationship over and over, saying to ourselves, "If only I had done this. If only I had done that", "I should have, I could have".

Sadness - We cry more than ever for we have suffered a great loss.

Guilt - We feel guilty, particularly if we choose to end a relationship. We don't want to hurt our partner, yet we don't want to stay in a lifeless or unhealthy relationship.

Disorientation and Confusion - We don't know who or where we are anymore. Our life is completely different. We've lost our bearings.

Hope - Initially we may fantasize that there will be a reconciliation, that the parting is only temporary, that our partner will come back to us. As we heal and accept the reality of the ending, we may dare to hope for a newer and better world for ourselves.

Bargaining - We plead with our partner to give us a chance. "Don't go", we say. "I'll change this and I'll change that if only you'll stay".

Relief - We can be relieved that there is an ending to the pain, the fighting, the torment, and the lifelessness of the relationship.

While some of these feelings may seem overwhelming, they are all "normal" reactions. They are necessary to the process of healing, so that we can eventually move on and engage in other relationships. Be patient with yourself.

Also Keep In Mind:

• Allow yourself to feel the sadness, anger, fear, and pain associated with the breakup. Denying those feelings and holding them inside will only prolong them.
• Recognize that guilt, self blame, and bargaining are our defenses against feeling out of control and unable to stop the other person from leaving us. But there are some endings we can't control, because we can't control another person's behavior.
• Give yourself time to heal, and be kind to yourself.  Try pampering yourself, asking for support from others, and allowing yourself new experiences.
• Talk with others. This can often give us perspective into our situation.  
   

If you feel "stuck" in a pattern and unable to change it, talking to a therapist at CAPS can help.  Feel free to make an appointment at any time:

APPOINTMENTS

• You may call the office of Counseling and Psychological Services at (239) 590-7950 from 8:00 a.m.- 5:00 p.m. Monday through Friday.
• You will need to come to the CAPS office to fill out some initial paperwork, which will take about 15-20 minutes prior to making your first appointment.
• Walk-in clients will be seen for assessment in emergency situations.

 

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Abusive Relationship Quiz

Determining if you are in an abusive relationship is very important.  While we would like to think that everything will be okay and that it will work out, sometimes this is not the case.  The abuser can be of any race, ethnicity, gender, and sexual orientation.  The following questions will help you determine if you are in an abusive relationship.

Without spending too much time on each question, go down the list and answer either "yes" or "no" to the following:

Does your partner:

•  Act jealous of your friends, family, past partners, or others in your life?
•  Not see you as an equal (e.g., because he or she is older, or sees him or herself a superior socially or more intelligent)?
•  Prevent you from getting or keeping a job, having access to money, or participating in making financial decisions?
•  Drink or use drugs excessively?
•  Ridicule, embarrass, or humiliate you with bad names, put-downs, or belittling comments?
•  Berate you for not wanting to have sex?
•  Easily lose his or her temper?
•  Make all the decisions, "take over" things you want to handle on your own, or sulk or become angry when you initiate an action or idea?
•  Try to get you drunk or high, or berate you for not wanting to get drunk or high?
•  Lead you to like yourself less or feel bad about yourself after you have been with him or her?
•  Engage in sex with you in a way that feels degrading or humiliating?
•  Throw or break things or destroy your property when angry?
•  Think that in a relationship there are times when violence is okay?
•  Invade your "personal space" (e.g., sits too close, touches you when asked not to, speaks like he or she knows you much better than he or she does)?
•  Threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
•  Try to run or control your life, such as what you do, where you go, whom you see or talk to, whom you are friends with, or how you should look or dress?
•  Use looks, actions, or gestures that make you scared?
•  Seem like "Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde," that is, kind one minute and cruel the next?
•  Force you to participate in sex or a sexual act against your will?
•  Get angry if you are not always giving him or her your attention?
•  Threaten to hurt or kill your pets or other people?
•  Use guns, knives, or other weapons to intimidate you?
•  Act angry and threatening to the point that you have changed your life to avoid angering him or her?
•  Acknowledge hitting previous partners?
•  Keep you confined or prevent you from leaving?
•  Use weapons or objects or otherwise act aggressively during sex in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable?
•  Ignore you or withhold love and affection in order to get his or her way?
•  Talk negatively about your gender (e.g., "All women are stupid.")
•  Push, shove, slap, kick, bite, choke, pull your hair, throw you across the room or down on the floor or hit you?
•  Play mind games with you or make you think you are crazy?
•  Think that you are "cheating" if you talk to or dance with someone else?
•  Threaten to harm or kill you?
•  Blame you for his or her abusive behavior, act like it is no big deal, or deny it happened?
•  Force you into dropping, or never filing, criminal charges against him or her?

 

I answered YES to one or more of these questions | I did NOT answser yes to any of these questions